myWaterProject - The Lovely 8 Fundraising Page

myWaterProject - The Lovely 8 Fundraising Page

Hipocritical Supporter?

It's been a while since I've blogged. Not really expecting anyone to reply but I need to get some things of my chest. A few months ago my BF was arrested on murder charges. My cousin who was with him at the time of the alleged attack was arrested for malicious wounding and attempted murder charges. I don't know all the details nor would I want to but I know these two people. They would not attack or harm someone without just cause. i believe that they felt their lives were in danger.(my opinion) After hearing some of the testimonies and information about the "victims" I believe they meant to cause my BF and my cousin bodily harm. I don't mean to sound insensitive because I would never want someone to lose their life. I know what that family feels like because I've been through it. 6 years ago my cousin was murdered in front of his then 6 year old son. If that wasn't bad enough, his son's mother remained with the murderer and even took the children to the jail to see their father's killer.(She was the instigator in the fight that lead to my cousin's death) Some of my family has chosen to forgive her, I never will. In my opinion she deserves to be in a jail cell next to her BF. This is where the story gets sticky...am I a hypocrite for supporting my cousin and BF during their murder trial when I refuse to forgive this girl? Or, am I a hypocrite for not forgiving her while I support them? I'm torn...I just cant get over losing my cousin. I think of him every day. I think about how his son wont have many memories of him and how they were robbed of their bond. Then I think about my BF and cousin, and their kids and how they had the opportunity to be fathers and chose to put themselves in a situation that could potentially take them away from their families for the rest of their lives. I'm very confused. I'm so angry at them for not making better choices. I'm mad at my cousins ex for inserting someone into his life that took him away from us. As you can tell I have conflicting feelings. I'm being supportive for my BF's family. People are looking to me for answers and support. I'm exhausted...I have no one that I can lean on. I have my family and friends but everyone looks at me with pity or as-if to say I told you so. I don't need it. I guess that's why I've turned to blogging to strangers. I would love to hear any constructive criticism or thoughts...

In the beginning...

Let me introduce myself... You can call me Eden. I'm  single mother of a very challenging 15 yr old boy. I have a full-time job as well as being a full-time student. I own my home. My car is paid for. I'm in great physical shape. So I bet you're wondering why I'm single. Well thats because i have the worst taste in men imagineable. If there is a sob story in a man's life I will shelter him, nurture him, fix him up and get him him ready for marriage...with the next girl he meets. I call it wounded pupp syndrome. I find men that are broken but have potential and it has never worked out in my favor.The thing is that I hate dating. Not so much the dinner and flirting but the small talk, uncomfortableness, the waiting for someone to call, ughh...you can keep it. I much prefer the stable nature of knowing the person deeply and beeing in a lasting loving relationship. In the past I've had a small problem with the lasting portion. The longest relationship I've ever had was with my son's father for 7 years. Even then it was off and on and we never made it to the alter but that was mostly my fault. We were very young when I got pregnant. We had no business being parents let alone being married. So for making the decision to not join 50% of Americans in divorce I am thankful. I still want to get married and have more children but as I get older it seems as though the likelihood of that happening is not so good. Yes I know I'm only 35 and people are getting married way later but lets face it my biological clock is ticking and the chances of me being able to conceive on my own arent so good. So this blog is sort of a story of my journey. It's my therapy and a way for me to revisit past mistakes and learn from them while I search for happiness and the right man to share my life with. I will always be open to constructive criticism and words of wisdom.